I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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