come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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