I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
