I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
