I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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