My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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