Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
