I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
