absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
