so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
