i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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