You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
