If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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