this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
