we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
