if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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