just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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