I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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