i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
