Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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