Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
