I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
