I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
