Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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