Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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