just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
