that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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