8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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