2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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