Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
