bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I want her autograph on my taint
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
