Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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