Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
