that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
