Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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