I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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