Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
