You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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