My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
