but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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