a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
