So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
