Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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