Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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