Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
be right there i have to get my cape
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
