I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
