Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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