Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
