Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
