he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
