He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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