Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh god the rape fog is back!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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