please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i think my cat just said my name.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize