before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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