whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I stole a fireplace last night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My feet surprised me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
