I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
