No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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