She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
