Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
