just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
