he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
