finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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