what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
