my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
