his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
