He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
