I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize