He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
