I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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