How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
