ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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