you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize