I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
