John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
