i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
