You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
