dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
