what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
