THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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