eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize