if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
