I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize