i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
