Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
